CHRISTO-FASCISM: Florida GOP considers “classical Christian” alternative to SATs

CHRISTO-FASCISM: Florida GOP considers "classical Christian" alternative to SATs

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is continuing his attack on higher education by backing a Christian alternative to replace the traditional college placement test.

On Wednesday, the GOP-controlled Florida State House unanimously passed HB 1537, an education bill that also includes several other proposals to make living there even worse.

DuhSantis first threatened the Swampshine State might drop the SATs after he went after the state College Board’s new Advanced Placement course on African American studies in February.

The Florida Fascist is fully supporting the switch from the “woke” SATs to a “classical and Christian” exam alternative called the “Classic Learning Test.”

While being called “a different model” than the SAT, the new exam would be used as an “optional graduation test requirement” and “to determine Bright Futures scholarship eligibility.”

If the Classic Learning Test (should we call it CLT? It might be too close to the clit for conservative comfort) is passed by the state GOP, state schools would have the option to administer it along with the SAT or ACT.

Ah, I can see the slogans now: “CLT not CRT!”

Or “Go Woke, Go to College in A Blue State!”

One example of a Florida “Classic Christian” curriculum made national headlines last month when one charter school principal was forced to resign after a parent complained about a Michelangelo art lesson.

The GOP’s latest deliberate dumbing down of its own base while pushing more cult mentality pairs nicely with the banned books and shuttered public libraries.

My mind is racing at the idea of a bunch of fascist Christian Florida men coming up with questions to gauge if a student is prepared to move on to college.

SAMPLE LANGUAGE SKILLS QUESTION:

Which Bible verse most accurately describes why Donald Trump is our true Lord and Savior? 

SAMPLE MATH SKILLS QUESTION:

If Joe Biden gets 81 million votes and Donald Trump gets 74 million votes, how many court cases will it take before Mike Pence finally joins us in taking back our country?

You know I’m not too far off. Because Floriduh.

*THIS IS AN OPINION COLUMN THAT SOLELY REPRESENTS THE OPINIONS OF TARA DUBLIN. HOORAY FOR THE FREE PRESS!*

Other hot takes by Tara Dublin can be found on TikTok and Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks