FRO-YO-YO: Alex Jones squandered InfoWars fortune on cryogenic treatments

BROKE LOSER: Alex Jones' bankruptcy filing seeks to protect him from Sandy Hook damages

Professional lunatic conspiracy theorist Alex Jones used the money he grifted from his InfoWars audience of smooth brains to buy himself all kinds of really weird personal gifts to pamper himself, according to bankruptcy filings in Texas.

Thursday’s filing came after a judge required Jones to submit more accurate financials, revealing a whopping $4.8 million in previously undisclosed assets for a total wealth of $14.7 million.

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This is a completely normal and not at all insane crazy person

Aside from dropping $100,000 on guns, the vile Sandy Hook bully is holding on to guns owned by two January 6th Capitol riot defendants who are currently facing prosecution, so that’s great and sooo kind of Jones.

Qrazy also gifted himself with over $50K worth of cufflinks and watches, and bought a “small fleet” of three boats worth over $100K, the filing shows.

They probably looked great being towed behind one of his many luxury vehicles worth over $200K.

It’s interesting to learn that Jones once co-owned a helicopter, according to the filing, but later sold his stake in exchange for the rights to “eight helicopter trips a year” which just makes him sound like an extra crazy overgrown lunatic child.

If that’s not enough of a peek into the same mind who thought it was okay to harass the bereaved Sandy Hook parents for YEARS, there’s even more nutbag stuff in the filing.

Jones made a $4,000 purchase of a cryogenic freezing chamber, because of the trend to try to slow the aging process by freezing and then defrosting yourself.

Or something like that.

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This but a dumber guy wearing a tinfoil hat

The false prophet-for-profit is cryogenically crying poverty, claiming in the filing that he doesn’t own any stocks or bonds, and has just a little more than $200,000 in bank accounts.

Jones, however, actually made a few smart investments when he bought up a bunch of real estate.

The Daily Beast reports that Jones has a $1.75 million lake house on Texas’ Lake Travis, a home worth $3.26 million, and a Texas farm property valued at more than $2 million.

In related news, Jones has other financial worries he won’t be able to fulfill.

His estranged former wife, Kelly, says Jones owes her millions as well because — GUESS WHAT? —  Jones is also a deadbeat dad.

BYE, QRAZY DEMON!

Let’s hope that the judge finds every penny that Alex Jones has and makes sure it all goes to the Sandy Hook parents whose lives he made even more miserable

Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks