DITCHED: Will McConnell be forced to retire after fallout from concussion?

DITCHED: Will McConnell be forced to retire after fallout from concussion?

Earlier this month, 81-year-old Senate Minority Leader Mitch “Slow and Steady Wins the Racist” McConnell (R-KY via a turtle hatchery) took a spill at an event at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Washington DC and ended up briefly hospitalized with a concussion as well as a minor rib fracture.

McConnell is still recuperating at his old Kentucky home, adding to speculation that he may just up and retire from Congress altogether.

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On a call to his fellow GOP Senators, McConnell let them know how “eager” he is to return to his usual obstruction duties while continuing to heal from his fall.

His colleagues who spoke with the press all stayed on the same exact message: “Moscow” Mitch (ok fine, those are my words) is “getting stronger and better” and is “anxious to return” to work.

Sounds vaguely “The Dear Leader is always right”-ish to me, but that’s on brand for Putin’s puppets, considering they’re all worried about kompromat.

The MAGA Republicans in the Senate really do need him back, because they’re all hopping mad and shell-shocked these days thanks to the impending Trump indictments.

Democrats wouldn’t benefit from a McConnell retirement anyway, because thanks to his home state homophobes and others in the Kentucky GOP, the (currently Democratic) Governor’s abilities to fill any vacancies have been severely restricted due to a bill called SB228.

I’d bet a whole lot of Kentucky bluegrass that they’d overturn their votes for SB228 faster than a Derby winner — which was GASP 100% McConnell’s idea — if Gov. Andy Beshear were to be replaced by a Republican.

Twitter would rather Mitch just call it a career at this point as the same Trumpocrites who make ageist comments about President Joe Biden are still backing the Turtle AND the Hair.

Follow Tara Dublin on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks