It’s only Tuesday, but the MAGA Mean Girls of the House GOP are bringing a new level of Qrazy super early this week.
First, there’s Hillbilly Neanderthal Rep. Marjorie Taylor “No Longer” Greene (Q-GA), who wants a “National Divorce” because her real divorce from her poor cuckolded husband just wasn’t embarrassing enough for her three teenagers.
Marge was out there claiming she and her staff were “attacked” at an unnamed D.C. restaurant Monday night, and it sure sounds strangely similar to the “swatting” she claimed to have suffered at her mansion in the Georgia foothills a few months back.
“Marjorie Nazi Greene” tweeted that she was “attacked” by an “insane woman and screamed at by her adult son. They had no respect for the restaurant or the staff or the other people dining or people like me who simply have different political views.”
Marge said she was sitting at her table and working with her staff, but didn’t notice “these people until they turned into demons.”
“Demons.” OK, Jesus Freak.
The replies are feeding my soul way better than any restaurant, tho.
Then there’s Rep. Lauren “Squeaky” Boebert, who was schooled by Rep. Jamie “Destined For Jewish Sainthood” Raskin (D-MD) regarding the history of the Coronavirus in a hearing where House GOP really tried to pin COVID deaths on President Joe Biden while being in cahoots with Dr. Anthony Fauci.
Jamie Raskin is such a mensch. He knows Bobo hasn’t read Dr. Deborah Birx’s book, or any other book for that matter.
Whew. Jamie Raskin just absolutely schooled Lauren Boebert. (h/t @acyn) pic.twitter.com/ooBaWdMEzt
— MeidasTouch (@MeidasTouch) February 28, 2023
Last, and rightfully least, is Rep. Elise “Trashy” Stefanik (D-NY via a dumpster-adjacent Talbots in Staten Island), who has recently become obsessed with . . . the Canadian border.
Because those scary Canadians might get some niceness into America?
Stefanik is like if the world’s dumpiest potato sack somehow became self-aware with additional Daddy Issues, knew it wouldn’t be the prettiest potato sack, and then hitched its wagon to the first man who showed her any attention.
But you know how I know Trashy Stefanik is really terrible?
Even the other MAGA Mean Girls won’t let her sit with them.
Think about it: you never see Elise sitting with Marge and Bobo.
That’s how much she sucks.
Like…why does this have to exist?
Canada’s our nice northern pal who’s given us plenty of nice things, from maple syrup and hockey to The Kids in the Hall and SCTV, so I really don’t get Stefanik’s anti-Canada propaganda.
OK, Trumptrash, tell us more while you cozy up to your fellow MAGA plant, Rep. George “Anthony Devolder Zabrovsky Kitara Ravache Jingleheimer Schmidt” Santos (R-NY-ish), Trashbag.
To get elected, George Santos pretended he was an NYU grad who worked for Goldman Sachs.
To get elected, Elise Stefanik pretended she wasn’t a fascist. pic.twitter.com/tjMm5JqQwu
— Mark Jacob (@MarkJacob16) February 14, 2023