March 25, 2023

NEW ACRONYM: Kevin McCarthy — SINO

NEW ACRONYM: Kevin McCarthy — SINO

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We already knew how craven Rep. Kevin “Trump’s Tapeworm” McCarthy (R-CA via the sewers under Mar-a-Lago) was before the 118th Congress was set to be sworn in this past Tuesday.

What we didn’t know was how fully spineless that mewling rat bastard traitor was until we witnessed him willingly serving himself up to fourteen rounds of humiliating floor votes from his equally useless and power-mad caucus colleagues.

It’s one thing to have a dream you refuse to give up on — I’ve been trying for over two years to get a book deal for my very non-political rock and roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl and I won’t let go of my lifelong goal of holding my first published novel in my hands — but it’s really quite something else when you allow yourself to be repeatedly humiliated on a global scale just because you want to hold a great big gavel.

MCCARTHY WINS: Wild fight for Speaker included feuds, fiascos, and near-fisticuffs
“Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?”

It was a true embarrassment to watch House Republicans bring the United States government to a screeching halt with the “Never Kevins” and their ever-shifting loyalties to any other carbon-based lifeform with the word “Rep” before their name to be the Speaker of the House.

McCarthy was charbroiled all over social media while C-SPAN cameras captured near-fistfights as Rep. Matt “Rapey McForehead” Gaetz (R-Florida’s largest alligator swamp) played Kevin like the scheming sex trafficker he is.

KKKevin may have ultimately won the title of Speaker of the House, but after his many pathetic concessions and craven display of his earthworm-like vertebrae, he gave away all of his power. AND LITERALLY, EVERYONE KNOWS THIS.

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Things stronger than the “Weaker Speaker” include:

  • wet paper towels
  • paramecium
  • a recently hatched baby bird
  • a pile of leaves
  • a brand-new spider web
  • the seal on a bottle of Tylenol
  • a ripped hammock

Anyway, Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) finished “SINO McCarthy’s” public burial with a “Hamilton”-level concession speech in the early morning hours of January 7th.

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If you haven’t seen it, you must. It is the stuff of legend and just a hint of what Hakeem will bring to the caucus as the Democratic Minority Leader.

House Democrats remained united behind Jeffries while the Republicans looked like a clown car full of ants trying to get back into their safe hidey-holes after being bulldozed by Democratic competency.

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We’ll see exactly how long Speaker-In-Name-Only McCarthy lasts in his new role in the weeks and months ahead.

If we’re lucky, the end will be swift and not-so-merciless.

Follow Tara Dublin on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks

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