November 30, 2022

GYM SOCKS: Jim Jordan doesn’t want to speak out about sexual harassment

GYM SOCKS: Jim Jordan doesn't want to speak out about sexual harassment

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A bill limiting the use of nondisclosure agreements to silence victims of workplace sexual harassment and assault appears poised to become law in the United States.

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The Senate unanimously passed the Speak Out Act in September, and the bill was headed for a House vote Wednesday. If it passes, it’s a win for those who want to speak publicly but have remained silent because of their colleagues who might be unaware that others are facing harassment or assault.

The White House issued a statement supporting the bill on Monday:

“Workers should not be silenced in the face of workplace sexual harassment and assault, or face retaliation for coming forward to report such abuse,” the Biden administration said. “Transparency is the best way to hold workers accountable.”

"Gym" Jordan speaks out against sexual harassment bill
Jim Jordan modeling for an inflatable punchbag (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

The bipartisan House bill is cosponsored by Reps. Lois Frankel (D-FL), Cheri Bustos (D-IL), and Ken Buck (R-CO), but most House Republicans took to the floor to fight the bill because they’re all repressed freaks who were never taught how to express their sexual feelings in a healthy way.

And the freakiest of all led the way.

If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know that Rep. Jim “Shower Monkey” Jordan was involved in the Ohio State scandal which involved the sexual assault of 177 student-athletes, George Clooney has an HBO docudrama in production that can’t be released soon enough for any of us.

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In the meantime, “Gym” Jordan — who’s never passed a single bill (THANKS SO MUCH GERRYMANDERING!) — stood on the House floor to fight the bill that could eventually incriminate him.

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“Sexual misconduct is terrible and it’s wrong and those who engage in it should be held accountable,” said the spineless wetmouth who begged the victims of Coach Strauss’s abuse to be quiet rather than testify. “But this bill, while well-intentioned, is misguided.”

BUT, as Pee-Wee Herman so famously said, “Everybody I know has a big but.”

Thomas “Please Don’t Call Him A Masshole Because People From Massachusetts Will Get Offended” Massie’s got a big but, too.

“Nobody should be subjected to sexual harassment, but…,” Massie exclaimed.

THERE IS NO BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HARASSMENT, Massive Douche.

But you both should’ve stopped before the “Buts,” Gymbo.

Any victim of sexual harassment or assault will tell you that there should be exactly zero quantifiers to their reports.

You don’t get to tell anyone how to talk about their own lived experiences.

But I guess you do get to be all judgy of them because people keep voting against their own best interests.

There should be zero shame around reporting, while harassers should be shamed to filth.

Gosh, I wonder what he’s so afraid of?

That about sums it up. I guess Gym wants to protect himself AND his Orange Overlord from any lawsuits.

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He’s still aiming for the pardon that will never come, what a sucker!

Hurry up with that movie please, Mr. Clooney.

Tara Dublin is a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on the daily.

Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks

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