February 7, 2023

OPINION: Kimberly Guilfoyle needs to shut her trap

OPINION: Kimberly Guilfoyle needs to shut her trap

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Kimberly “Climber” Guilfoyle used to be a Democrat with a nice natural pretty face married to hot hunky Gavin Newsom, a champion for women’s rights and all other liberal causes who has seen his star only rise within the party as his name is on the shortlist for the presidency in 2028.

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Guilfoyle’s decline into a paid shill for the Trump crime family began when she and Gavin split in 2005  thanks to the “strains of a bi-coastal relationship” because he was busy being the mayor of San Francisco and she was in NYC hosting a show on Court TV while also contributing to Anderson Cooper’s CNN show. I don’t know what happened to Kim, but something broke inside of her and she joined Fox News in 2006 to host the weekend show The Lineup, which was eventually canceled. Guilfoyle remained a regular contributor for Faux News and was picked as a co-host of The Five in 2011, where she worked until 2018. Did you know she got axed for being TOO GROSS FOR FOX NEWS? Think about that for a hot second.

Everything Trump touches either dies or gets really bad plastic surgery

Kimmy’s assistant alleged that Guilfoyle frequently displayed herself naked, showed photographs of the genitalia of men she had sex with to people around the Fox News offices, and often forced them to stay at her apartment when she was “entertaining” her male guests. GROSS GROSS GROSS. Being a gross sexual predator willing to do anything for money made her an ideal candidate for the Trump White House, tho. She was considered for the Press Secretary gig that ultimately went to Sean Spicer, and then she glommed on to Don Jr. Rumors have abounded about the Gruesome Twosome while Kimmy gets paid a paltry $180K a year from the Trump coffers to keep Jr propped up, and most of those rumors involve the word “cocaine.”

Also, it’s painfully obvious that Kimmy Golddigger has used a huge part of that salary to transform her face and body into something more Trump-approved. It’s possible I’ve categorized her MAGA makeover as an attempt to turn herself into Melania 2.0 so Jr can work through some serious Oedipal issues (Kimmy is also nearly 10 years older than L’il Donny, not that I have any problems with age gaps in relationships, but in this case, it’s a glaring red flag).

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Harsh? Mayhaps. True? I’m leaning toward “most definitely.” So when Kimberly Guilfoyle tries to step to my Shero Nancy Pelosi by remarking on Pelosi’s appearance, I’m going to call out her gold-digging Trumpocrisy. When you’re mostly known for being a crazy shrieking banshee of a sea witch, you might not want to go here, Kimmy Golddigger:

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I mean, Kimmy’s literally all filler, no thriller, no matter how much she gets paid to shake her (liposuctioned) Trumpy butt on stage for the MAGA incels (she gets paid $60,000 for three minutes, in case you want to do the Stormy Daniels math here). Keep my Shero’s name out of your overinflated Trumpmouth, Kimmy Golddigger. Nancy Pelosi was the President on January 6th, and don’t ever think you can speak about my Speaker through those duck lips without getting rightfully dragged right back.

This opportunistic golddigger belongs in prison with the rest of the Trump Crime Family. And since there’s no Botox or Restylane in stir, I imagine she’ll come out looking like the melted face guy at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” because I need to have my fun. And so does Twitter.

https://twitter.com/HouseOfMichele/status/1582743842042019842

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Tara Dublin is a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on the daily.

Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

Tara Dublin

Tara Dublin is a woefully unrepresented writer who thinks more people would read her cool rock & roll love story inspired by Dave Grohl than any ghostwritten GOP crapbook, agents & publishers. Follow Tara on Twitter @taradublinrocks

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