Donald Trump continues to impress himself.
And he just has to share his assessment of his own performance in office with the world on his Twitter feed, in a manner much like a man telling his latest sex partner just how good his stamina was during those glorious few seconds.
In the midst of his Senate impeachment trial, Trump felt it particularly important to remind America of exactly how mendacious and delusional he truly is — for, even if that wasn’t his intention, it was surely the gist that any sane person would glean from his post bragging about his imaginary achievements and how they measure up against those of his predecessors.
Here's Why Doris Day May Not Have Been As Wholesome As She Seemed
Spray Wd-40 Up Your Faucets, Here's Why
The Tragic Story of 'The Little House on the Praire' Just Gets Sadder and Sadder
It’s amazing what I’ve done, the most of any President in the first three years (by far), considering that for three years I’ve been under phony political investigations and the Impeachment Hoax! KEEP AMERICA GREAT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 28, 2020
It truly is amazing.
Amazing, that is, that any conscious human would believe a word of his boasts, given the damage Trump has done to our nation in his brief — yet all too excruciatingly painful — tenure in office.
Amazing that the president doesn’t realize how closely his tweets resemble the parodic exaggerations of his many comedic mimics.
In fact, perhaps this particular gem of a Trump tweet might best be read in a manner similar to how some people jokingly make their fortune cookies more interesting by appending the phrase “in bed” at the end of the Confucian advice those slim strips of paper typically contain.
In this instance, re-read Trump’s tweet and substitute the words “the damage” (or “the crimes” or “the atrocities” or “the lying” or another suitable description of the president’s actual behavior) for the word “what” in the first sentence.
Then, and only then, does the tweet begin to resemble reality — minus the whiny and false descriptions of the investigations into his criminal actions as “phony” and unjustified.
As the majority of the country is increasingly realizing, there is only one way to keep America great and that is to remove this pustule of evil from the body politic as quickly and cleanly as possible.
As Trump’s favorability ratings begin the same downward trajectory that the ratings of his puerile reality show eventually suffered, the time is ripe for the cancellation of this hybrid experiment in surreal tragi-comedy.
Instead, it’s time to deliver the sequel the nation has been waiting for — The Apprentice: Prison Edition.