Donald Trump famously doesn’t allow a drop of alcohol to pass between his already well-loosened lips.
The man to whom he has entrusted his legal future and anointed to spearhead his alleged extortion scheme in Ukraine, on the other hand, loves his Bloody Marys, according to a new article in New York Magazine by Olivia Nuzzi.
The article recounts the interview Nuzzi conducted with the former New York City mayor in his hometown right after he returned from a “fishing” trip in Ukraine seeking more information to support his client — the president — in his bizarre conspiracy theories that aim to provide an alternative explanation for the events that have led to Trump’s impending impeachment trial.
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Over the course of a vodka and tomato juice-fueled afternoon, Giuliani proceeded to unleash a raft of highly quotable moments, “weaving one made-up talking point into another and another,” as Nuzzi puts it.
Among the highlights were Giuliani’s explanation of his sudden departure from Ukraine a day earlier than expected.
“We snuck out of Kiev to escape having to answer a lot of questions. They all thought we were going to leave on Friday morning, and I organized a private plane to go to Vienna on Thursday night,” he told Nuzzi without specifying exactly who the “they” were that he was trying to escape from.
The president’s attorney also weighed in on his two Russian-born associates who have been indicted for campaign finance violations, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman.
“They look like Miami people. I know a lot of Miami people that look like that that are perfectly legitimate and act like them,” Giuliani said. “Neither one of them have ever been convicted of a crime. Neither one. And generally that’s my cutoff point, because if you do it based on allegations and claims and — you’re not gonna work with anybody, particularly in business.” he claimed, chortling.
The Giuliani comments that have attracted the most attention, however, are his unhinged conspiracy theories that one usually only hears from tinfoil hat-wearing denizens of the furthest reaches of right-wing extremist web sites.
With the public testimony in the House impeachment hearings revealing that the unelected, unconfirmed personal attorney for the president was responsible for the removal of former Ukraine ambassador Marie Yovanovitch due to her opposition to Giulani’s freelance diplomatic meddling, the former mayor explained his actions by spinning a wild tale that was inspired by the many anti-Semitic tropes crediting Jewish billionaire philanthropist George Soros with leading a vast left-wing conspiracy to rule the world.
With Giuliani accusing Yovanovitch of being “controlled” by Soros, the New York Magazine reporter told him he sounded insane when he said:
“He put all four ambassadors there. And he’s employing the FBI agents,” the former SDNY prosecutor said.
Denying that he had lost his mind, Giuliani went on to claim that he was not being anti-Semitic in promulgating neo-Nazi accusations against the liberal billionaire.
“Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him,” he said. “Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is. I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States. He’s a horrible human being.”
The presidential attorney’s dissembling went beyond his allegations towards Soros. He also contradicted himself on his personal business dealings in the eastern European nation that he’s been spending so much time with lately.
After telling Nuzzi that “I have no business interests in Ukraine,” Giuliani proceeded to tell her:
“I’ve done two business deals in Ukraine. I’ve sought four or five others.”
He then proceeded to say that he has turned down deals since he has been in the employ of Donald Trump to avoid the appearance of a conflict of interest, but that he wished he could have worked on one case he was offered that “had nothing to do with Trump, nothing to do with Burisma, nothing to do with Biden,” but would give him insight into Ukrainian money laundering.
Asked about his ex-wife’s suggestion that he was an alcoholic and other concerns about his mental health inspired by his shambolic cable news interviews, he admitted only to being a “partier.”
“Oh yeah, yeah — I do a lot of drugs,” Giuliani said sarcastically. “There was one I was addicted to. I’ve forgotten what it is. I don’t know where the drug things come from — I really don’t. The alcohol comes from the fact that I did occasionally drink. I love scotch. I can’t help it. All of the malts. And part of it is cigars — I love to have them with cigars. I’m a partier.”
Giuliani apparently believes that the rumored federal criminal investigation into his activities is part of the same plot to remove his client, the president, by Democrats, the deep state, and the media. He had this to say about the prosecutors at his old division of the Justice Department in the Southern District of New York:
“If they’re investigating me, they’re assholes. They’re absolutely assholes if they’re investigating me. If they are, they’re idiots,” he reiterated. “Then they really are a Trump-deranged bunch of silly New York liberals.”
“If they think I committed a crime, they’re out of their minds,” he said. “I’ve been doing this for 50 years. I know how not to commit crimes. And if they think I’ve lost my integrity, maybe they’ve lost theirs in their insanity over hating Trump with some of the things they did that I never would’ve tolerated when I was U.S. Attorney.”
Giuliani’s opinion of himself has apparently reached Trumpian levels, judging from his accusations that the current SDNY team is simply envious of his successes.
“It’s a terrible thing to say because it will get the Southern District all upset, but I know why they’re all upset,” Giuliani said. “Because they’ve never done anything like me since me. They haven’t done an eight years like I did since I left being U.S. Attorney. Nothing close.”
“Jealousy,” he added, “and because I’m of a different political philosophy than they are. They’re all — they’re all knee-jerk, now logically impaired anti-Trump people, including James Comey’s daughter, who works there. You don’t think she’s bitter? Do you know the things that I’ve called her husband? I hired her husband.”
While Giuliani obviously meant to say her father, he retains no love for the man whose career he launched.
“Her father,” he said. “I consider her father a disgrace. I’m embarrassed that I hired him. Never seen anyone run the FBI like that.”
Mind you, Giuliani said all of this before he had two Bloody Marys with his brunch.
Read the rest of the New York Magazine article to get a glimpse into what other gems of conspiratorial insanity Trump’s lawyer had to say after he was well-lubricated, but suffice it to say that in the end, Giuliani leaves one of his mobile phones behind on the seat of his limousine next to the reporter after he exits the car.
Those Bloody Marys must have been good.
Follow Vinnie Longobardo on Twitter.