Quinnipiac University just released a new national poll that has Democrats rejoicing and President Trump spiraling further down the path of despondency and paranoia.
The reason? The fact that the poll shows six top Democratic presidential candidates all beating Trump in head to head matches if the election were to be held today.
New 2020 head-to-heads in national Quinnipiac poll just out:
Biden 53%, Trump 40%
Sanders 51%, Trump 42%
Harris 49%, Trump 41%
Warren 49%, Trump 42%
Buttigieg 47%, Trump 42%
Booker 47%, Trump 42%
— Ryan Struyk (@ryanstruyk) June 11, 2019
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With the poll showing the president never rising above 42% against any of the Democratic contenders, Twitter erupted with a host of satirical hypothetical matchups that Trump would perform no better against than the range of choices listed, one of whom he will likely face next year.
Here’s a sampling of the best of the hysterical fictional contests and their anticipated results.
Colonoscopy with no anesthesia 42%
— Tara Dublin (@taradublinrocks) June 11, 2019
Vending machine tuna fish sandwich 49%, Trump 41%
— Jayne Marie Severin (@duchessjayne) June 11, 2019
That dry soda in you car cup holder where three pennies are stuck 48%, Trump 41%
— Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) June 11, 2019
Getting disembowelled with an ancient oriental cutlass 57%, Trump 38%
— Ian Davis (@Ian_Davis72) June 12, 2019
Ring around the collar, 52%, Trump, 36%
— Benjamin Dreyer (@BCDreyer) June 12, 2019
Syphilis 52%, Trump 41%
— Devin Nunes’ Lawyer (@PDX_DianeS) June 11, 2019
Cockroaches in my kitchen 49% Trump 42%
— andrealcsw (@andrear95342436) June 11, 2019
Dying of dysentery on the Oregon Trail – 45%
Trump – 41%
— Lori Wagner (@BriarLori) June 11, 2019
Apparently, there are a lot of things that many people would prefer to a second term for Donald Trump, but don’t forget that polls don’t take into account the electoral college, foreign interference, hacked voting machines, disappearing ballots, third-party candidates, voter suppression, electoral fraud, and the multitude of other factors that could affect the results of the actual election next year.
All the more reason not to let polls like this one — and the responses on Twitter — give anyone a sense of the inevitability of Trump’s defeat.
We must all keep working to turn out the vote for our preferred candidate in the primaries and the general election beyond that. For now, however, we’ll take all the good news we can get and have some fun imagining how bad anything would need to be to have a lower favorability poll than President Trump.
Follow Vinnie Longobardo on Twitter.