Trump’s Attorney General William Barr finally released Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report today, and the administration is claiming it as a victory (which they were doing before it was even released) despite the fact that it contains incredibly damning information about the president, including ten instances where Mueller probed whether or not Trump attempted to obstruct justice.
The fact that Barr, the president’s handpicked hack, chose not to pursue obstruction charges should surprise absolutely no one familiar with how deeply corrupt Republican politics have become. This morning, before the report was made public, Barr gave an embarrassingly sycophantic press conference in which he went out of his way to shield his boss from criticism. Already, critics are predicting that he will go down as one of the worst attorneys general in American history.
The president’s namesake buffoon of a son is ecstatic, presumably because he lacks the attention span or basic literacy to understand what a deeply unflattering portrait of him the report paints. In reality, it’s possible that he could still face criminal proceedings, perhaps for breaking anti-hacking laws.
Trump's Real IQ Finally Leaked, GOP in Disbelief
Toe Fungus Getting You Down? Try This Now and Remove It
Battling Toe Fungus? This Discovery Leaves Many Doctors Baffled (Try Tonight)
His uncertain fate didn’t stop him from tweeting though, as he sent out a triumphant “TOLD YA!!” as if the report had completely exonerated him rather than made him look guiltier than ever.
— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) April 18, 2019
Twitter users were not kind to Trump Jr.’s tweet, with many of them taking shots at his intelligence while pointing out that the Mueller report is, in fact, not good news for him.
Some pointed out that the report seems to indicate that the only reason Mueller didn’t indict the First Son was because he wasn’t smart enough to know he was breaking the law during his now-infamous Trump Tower meeting with surrogates of the Russian government.
“Taking into account the high burden to establish a culpable mental state in a campaign-finance prosecution and the difficulty in establishing the required valuation, the office decided not to pursue criminal campaign-finance charges against Trump Jr. or other campaign officials for the events culminating in the June 9 meeting,” the report reads.
Check out the Twitter dogpile below.
the special counsel said you were too dumb to knowingly commit crimes https://t.co/M7fmq0amMG
— Sigh Hersh (still a yianni d. fan) (@Ugarles) April 18, 2019
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) April 18, 2019
You were vindicated because they determined you were too stupid to know what’s going on.
So congrats on being a dumbass.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) April 18, 2019
You might wanna keep the braggadicia down there, Jr. I realize you live with many challenges and don't have the capability to understand big concepts but Mueller concluded you were too dumb to know what you were doing. He didn't say you didn't do it. Get well soon.
— Nancy Lee Grahn (@NancyLeeGrahn) April 18, 2019
Yea, too dumb to indict. Like a mercy fuck. Congrats brick.
— John Weaver (@jwgop) April 18, 2019
Dude. You don't know what's coming do you? You are just too damn dumb to see it. This is not the end of investigations…it's the beginning. And Mueller's conclusions don't exonerate you, they confirm everyone's worst suspicions about you. You won't like how this story ends.
— David Rothkopf (@djrothkopf) April 18, 2019
At least a fifth of the report is you treasoning.
— Greg Olear (@gregolear) April 18, 2019
— chris person (@Papapishu) April 18, 2019