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In a ridiculous turn of events that we really all should have seen coming, the right-wing media machine has now turned its attention to yesterday’s report that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had been involved in a 1985 bar fight after he mistook a random stranger for the lead singer of reggae band UB40.
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Almost on cue, conservative talking heads unleashed a flood of absurd excuses for Kavanaugh’s boorish behavior and very telling boasts about their own acts of drunken violence, as if it was something to be proud of.
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New York Times op-ed hack Ross Douthat, FOX Business ghoul Charles Gasparino and the Daily Wire‘s men’s rights weirdo Matt Walsh were some of the more prominent right-wingers to take to Twitter and scold everyone for making a big deal out of this, sharing the stories how they too got into fights in pizza shops and nearly lost eyes, which of course are all very normal and healthy behaviors.
I've been in two bar fights, though I suppose one was technically a "Jumbo Slice fight." (In neither was I anywhere close to blackout drunk.)
— Ross Douthat (@DouthatNYT) October 1, 2018
Ive been in dozens of bar fights (ask the guys I grew up with) nearly lost an eye in one and that's just one of the injuries (I have the scarred stitch marks to prove the rest) never been black out drunk but I have had to defend myself, which I am still perfectly capable of doing https://t.co/VQSotGWW5g
— Charles Gasparino (@CGasparino) October 2, 2018
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I'd be more suspicious of a man who never got into any physical fights as a teenager than a man who did. It's incredibly normal. It's called "testosterone." Google it sometime.
— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) October 2, 2018
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We’d be willing to bet that before the end of the day, the Federalist is going to publish a think piece entitled “Bar Fights: A Proud Icon Of Traditional American Masculinity” which opens with a loving ode to that beloved American hero, Patrick Swayze’s character in Roadhouse.
The idea that getting drunk and starting a brawl is somehow an acceptable behavior for anyone to do ridiculous, though clearly the more important part it is further evidence that Brett Kavanaugh potentially lied under oath about having “never blacked out drinking before” — one does not usually accost a stranger and start a fight without having consumed large amounts of alcohol, which fits in with the narrative of alcohol abuse and aggression painted by everybody who’s ever known him.
Twitter users immediately pounced on the pro-bar fight tweets and brutally roasted them:
I’ve been in 1000s of bar fights (I’m in one right now), and a guy just smashed a beer mug against my cranium. I would pass out but I want to get in another bar fight (it’s only 11:24AM, plenty of time left in the day for several more bar fights) pic.twitter.com/fcMQdddlcm
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) October 2, 2018
https://twitter.com/willmenaker/status/1047173785504419841
If you’re tweeting about bar fights you did or didn’t have, just remember it doesn’t actually count if you’re referring to a night when you and your college friends got drunk and started yelling at each other and shoving each other during a game of darts, & then one of you cried
— Asawin Suebsaeng (@swin24) October 2, 2018
I've been in hundreds of bar fights, thousands; I am in one right now, a man I know only as "the guy who is standing on my windpipe" is standing on my windpipe (he is unaware that I do windpipe clenches daily and have the throat strength of an aurochs) never been black out drunk
— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) October 2, 2018
look, you can try to establish masculine cred by posting about the bar fights you were in, or you can have this as your avatar, but you can’t do both pic.twitter.com/3yCXs4ZPvY
— haunted temecula wendy’s (@makeitsnowondem) October 2, 2018
And after each fight I won, the entire bar stood up and clapped! Then went home to my 10/10 model girlfriend, but she lives in Canada, so you probably don't know her. Also, my uncle works for Nintendo.
— Pizza B@e (@yourtoyrobot) October 2, 2018
CONSERVATIVES: Immigrants are too violent to fit into American society
ALSO CONSERVATIVES: Here's why it's actually ok to slam a glass in someone's face when you're drunk and belligerent
— Max Burns (@themaxburns) October 2, 2018
And after each fight I won, the entire bar stood up and clapped! Then went home to my 10/10 model girlfriend, but she lives in Canada, so you probably don't know her. Also, my uncle works for Nintendo.
— Pizza B@e (@yourtoyrobot) October 2, 2018
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https://twitter.com/andizeisler/status/1047169322643206144
really big fan of these guys telling on themselves about how they once got super mad in a pizza place like this isn't exactly what we expected of them all along https://t.co/n5WHZOMXsI
— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 2, 2018
i don't have a drinking problem because i have to stay clear-headed for the bar fights i am constantly getting into while sober
— Charles, gHost of Mic Dicta (RIP) (@Ugarles) October 2, 2018
BREAKING: Photos emerge of Kavanaugh bar fight pic.twitter.com/gU0ucq7W8g
— Wokie Avenatti (@notwokieleaks) October 2, 2018
It's telling how much conservatives are trying to make the Kavanaugh debate over drinking, partying, youthful hijinks. It's not. It's about attempted rape and lying under oath about your drinking in an effort to dodge accusations of attempted rape.
— Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) October 2, 2018
