August 16, 2022

Trump just publicly announced to the world that he “Fell in love” with Kim Jong Un

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It’s an unlikely love story, but when you think about it, they have so much in common: inherited wealth, domineering fathers whose approval they sought, meglomania, an intolerance for dissent, bright shiny objects, and narcissism.


So, while it was necessary at first to check make sure that the quote wasn’t sourced from The Onion, the news of President Trump telling the world last night that he “fell in Love” with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un shouldn’t be all that surprising.

Trump declared his passion for the plump young Supreme Leader at a political rally last night in West Virginia and described how the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army won his heart.

The couple met cute as in any halfway decent romantic comedy. At first, Trump was being standoffish and tough and so was Kim. They went back and forth discussing their past relationships and soon the dashing North Korean was corresponding as often as he could.

“He wrote me beautiful letters,” Trump dreamily recalled of the early blossoming of their growing desire. “They were great letters. And then we fell in love.”

The passion grew so strong that Trump traveled halfway around the world to finally meet up with the man that he knew deep inside was his true soulmate. Their first encounter was everything that the president had droolingly anticipated. In person they really clicked. Dennis Rodman grinned from the sidelines, knowing that his small part in the matchmaking would be remembered forever by the newly enraptured couple.

Promises were made, then the pressures of the everyday outside world intervened and forced them to return to their mundane normal existence apart from each other. Long distance relationships are hard, however, and rumors of cheating and broken promises abound. Trump sent his loyal Cyrano, Mike Pompeo, to check in on his distant object of desire and bridge the divide that the long separation had caused.

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Now whatever misunderstandings that the time apart has caused are being smoothed over, hurt feelings assuaged, and a second date is being planned. Still Trump is uncertain about what people will say about his May-December cradle-snatching longings.

‘I like him. He likes me. I guess that’s OK. Am I allowed to say that?,” the president queried his followers in a moment of adolescent-like self doubt.

Will true love prevail? Will they live happily ever after? One man murders his relatives. The other detains small children ripped apart from their families at the border and places them in prison tents on the border without schools. Is Trump too soft and old to fulfill the murderous desires of a totalitarian leader half his age? Does Kim really reciprocate his affections? Will he still love him if Mueller’s investigation leads to impeachment or is it just the power and trappings of his office that make Donald loveable? Tune in to find out  how this tumultuous relationship turns out in the next episode of How The Stomach Turns.

Watch Trump send Kim Jong Un a long distance valentine in the video below.

Follow Vinnie Longobardo on Twitter.

Vinnie Longobardo

is the Managing Editor of Washington Press and a 35-year veteran of the TV, mobile, & internet industries, specializing in start-ups and the international media business. His passions are politics, music, and art.

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