The trash talking, or rather the trash tweeting, is heating up as Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) and late-night TV host Jimmy Kimmel prepare for the one-on-one basketball challenge that Cruz challenged the comedian to after being insulted by Kimmel one time too many.
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Kimmel gave the background to the story on the air on Monday night.
Ted was unhappy I compared him to a blobfish — even though, in fairness to me, he looks just like one,” Kimmel said.
Senator Cruz, who played varsity basketball in high school, challenged the late-night host to a man-to-man challenge on the basketball court to settle the score and Kimmel accepted despite the fact that as he says “I played the clarinet in high school.”
Kimmel is nonetheless certain he can beat the Texas Senator.
“I cannot imagine any scenario in which I lose this game to that greasy blobfish — there’s just no way,” he bravely predicted.
Cruz attempted to troll his opponent on Twitter yesterday in anticipation of the upcoming game, including a gratuitous hotel sponsor mention in the process.
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) June 7, 2018
Senator Cruz has already made a crucial miscalcuation in the match. Never try to trash talk your opponent when they are a professional comedian and you’re a Senator who does bear a remarkable resemblance to this creature:
Kimmel naturally destroyed Senator Cruz with his reply, a simple alteration of Cruz’s original tweet.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) June 8, 2018
While the game is still on, Cruz has rejected at least one of Kimmel’s proposed rules, that they must wear 1980’s style short-short basketball outfits.
There is no word yet on Cruz’s response to Kimmel’s other proposed rules including “no kisses longer than 12 seconds,” “at no point during play will Ted be able to transform into a cloud of bats,” the senator will not be able to get help from “soldiers in his goblin army,” and every time he uses a line from The Simpsons, Cruz loses a point.
While each of those rules seems eminently fair, they may be crucial for the former clarinet player to beat the ex-varsity player, unless, of course, the one-on-one game they play uses the rules of Baseketball, the 1998 David Zucker movie, where players get to “psych-out” their opponents by cracking jokes and making faces as they attempt their free throws.
Now that would be a game to watch!
Follow Vinnie Longobardo on Twitter.