It has been nearly a month since Melanie Melania Trump has been seen in the public eye and everyone but Republicans have been asking the same question – where is she?
Melania entered the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on May 14, 2018 for what the White House described as a “benign kidney condition”. Since then, the First Lady has been scheduled to make a number of public appearances, but she has been mysteriously absent for each.
The closest anyone has been to seeing Trump’s third wife was during a press conference in front of the White House, when the president pointed to an empty window, insisting Melania was watching over them (she wasn’t).
Now, legendary star of stage and screen Bette Midler has weighed in on the mysterious vanishing mail-order bride:
Melania still hasn’t been seen. 22 days. It seems ominous. Maybe she just drunk-cut her own bangs and doesn’t want to upset her fans. I’ve done that plenty of times!!!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) June 3, 2018
“Melania still hasn’t been seen,” she begins. “22 days. It seems ominous. May she just drunk-cut her own bangs and doesn’t want to upset her fans. I’ve done that plenty of times!!!”
Midler’s commentary offers a much softer take on Melania’s inexplicable absence, considering some of the conspiracy theories suggesting Trump’s aggression landed her in a hospital bed.
However, when you consider she has no issue with her husband’s hair which is just a long pair of bangs swirled around his skull, being upset about her own bangs doesn’t make much sense.
Jokes aside, Midler does provide us with an exact count of days since Melania has been seen by someone outside of the president’s inner circle. Twenty-two days is a long time to recover from even a major surgery, let alone something supposedly considered “routine.”
Midler is also not the first to point to Melania’s vanity as a possible culprit for her absence. Some have speculated that the First Lady is actually recovering from some form of cosmetic surgery, as most facial reconstruction takes two weeks to a month to revert to normal.
If this is the case, why go to such great lengths to conceal it? The Trump family is very noticeably obsessed with cosmetic enhancements – Ivanka’s face is dramatically different from the one she wore as a teen and her father’s too-white veneered teeth offer a striking contrast to his orange complexion, for example – so it would certainly not be scandalous for the 48-year-old third wife of a serial philanderer to desire a more youthful aesthetic.
But if that’s true, and she wanted to lie about it, why not choose a surgical procedure with a similar recovery time to her own? A sinus surgery is another common correction many undergo to improve breath function and reduce chronic infection of narrower sinus cavities. It would also explain any potential alterations to Melania’s face, if that is the issue, and no one would question her desire to avoid paparazzi for a few days.
The facts just don’t add up, but that’s nothing new in this administration. At the end of the day, Midler could be correct, given the Trump family’s penchant for deception.
If Melania never reappears, though, it will be fun to watch Sarah Huckabee Sanders try and deflect those questions. Perhaps Melania will be the next “coffee boy” of Trump’s bizarre administration.