Trump’s porn star mistress just revealed his hatred towards sharks. The Discovery Channel just bit back.

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How humiliating it must be to have your deepest fears revealed and have people point and laugh at you once they know what those fears are. How much more humiliating it must be when the person revealing those fears is your porn-star mistress whom it has just been disclosed has received $130,000 through a Delaware shell company arranged by your personal lawyer to stay quiet about the whole affair but then the news leaks out anyway.

The ultimate humiliation, however, is when the subjects of your deepest fears have a staunch defender and that defender attacks your stated desire to kill all of the hated creatures that dominate your nightmares.

If you guessed that the topic of discussion here is Donald Trump, his porn star “honeybunch,” Stormy Daniels, and the terrifying sharks that he is so deadly afraid of, you’re on the money.

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What you may not have guessed is that it is The Discovery Channel, the home of the world’s biggest shark fans and the originator of the ever-popular “Shark Week” programming stunt, that is now attacking the president for his regressive views on the sharp-toothed finned predators.

Having told his mistress that he wants all sharks to die, Trump won’t be able to escape the stigma of being a trembling terrified shark-hater, but The Discovery Channel won’t let his anti-sharkist views go unchallenged. A spokesperson for the cable channel told Mashable that:

“Shark Week celebrates the wonder of these majestic creatures and their critical importance to the ecosystem. Their safety and conservation is the most important message conveyed throughout the week.”

It was actually while watching Shark Week with Trump during an illicit dinner that the erotic actress Stormy Daniels discovered the President’s previously undisclosed phobia.

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“He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks,” Daniels related.

Trump also told the porn star that:

“I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.”

With nearly one in four species of sharks now endangered and with less than a dozen of the more than 300 shark species ever attacking humans, Trump will have to bear the responsibility for any wave of anti-shark violence that results from his bigoted anti-shark views.

With The Discovery Channel backing the sharks in this fight, it’s doubtful that Trump will emerge victorious in his fight against the awesome creatures of the deep, but the disclosure of his biggest phobia will surely inspire some pretty good costumes at tomorrow’s Women’s march. Vagina dentata, anyone?

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Vinnie Longobardo

Vinnie Longobardo is a 35-year veteran of the TV, mobile, & internet industries, specializing in start-ups and the international media business. His passions are politics, music, and art.

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