The American media is abuzz today with the explosive revelations from In Touch magazine about the President’s affair with porn star Stormy Daniels while his wife Melania was pregnant with Barron Trump in 2006.
From the description of sex with the President (“textbook generic”) to his very, very weird comparison of his mistress to his favorite daughter, Ivanka, to the way he called her every ten days and asked her to sign a copy of a porn video she starred in, social media has been afire with hilarious tweets about the bombshell report.
Be warned; several of the following tweets involve somewhat graphic conjectures about the president’s…enormous hands.
Stormy Daniels saying in the press that the President is bad at sex is a great way to invoke a surreal situation where the president denies the affair but is compelled to tell everyone how good at sex he is. 2018 is wild as hell.
— Cold Drinks Enjoyer Li'l
“Trump said I’m just like his daughter.” -Stormy Daniels, porn star & former @realDonaldTrump mistress pic.twitter.com/awnaYKKKoB
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— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) January 17, 2018
This ends with Stormy Daniels testifying in front of Congress and Orrin Hatch reading a quote like, "[His penis] was like a sandwich bag full of icing. It didn't have, like, a front" while she nods.
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— David Roth (@david_j_roth) January 17, 2018
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SENATOR GRASSLEY: Ms. Daniels, is it true the president asked you to refer to his penis as "Mr. Deals"?
STORMY DANIELS: That is correct.
GRASSLEY: And is it true he refused to leave his golf cart during sex?
DANIELS: That is correct.— Sal Gentile (@salgentile) January 17, 2018
this stormy daniels interview is wild pic.twitter.com/VS6iSGhVrP
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) January 17, 2018
Trump’s aides better confiscate every phone within a 5 mile radius and disconnect the internet because Trump’s 4am tweets defending his skills as a lover and praising his dick are on their way
— woke hoover (@vs_cointelpro) January 17, 2018
putting this in the thread so nobody will be fooled by this photoshop. here is an actual screenshot from the article. don't be fooled!!! pic.twitter.com/y5bDPA1LnS
— matt
when mr trump took off his towel the skin of his ass unfurled and flailed in the wind like a superhero’s cape
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) January 17, 2018
Stormy Daniels saying that Trump was the worse sex she ever had will burrow so far under Trump's skin that he's probably cleared his whole White House schedule to make time to think of an appropriate Twitter nickname for her.
— Take Ivanka to Work (@IvankaToWorkDay) January 17, 2018
"Ms. Daniels, you said the president told you, 'I don't watch pornos because I don't need to, but if I wanted I could star in pornos. I was asked to be in pornos and I would be the best, they'd be the best pornos.' Am I right that the correct term is 'porn'?"
"Yes, Senator Cruz."— Muscular Baby Jeb Lund (@Mobute) January 17, 2018
