December 1, 2022

The White House doctor just announced that Trump is in “excellent health”

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At today’s White House press briefing, Sarah Sanders was briefly relieved of her duty trying to convince the American people she believes the words coming out of her mouth. White House doctor Navy Rear Adm. Dr. Ronny Jackson took over the podium to give a rundown of the findings from the President’s physical.


Dr. Jackson also served President and Michelle Obama, as well as President George H.W. Bush and Laura Bush.

While just about every data point in there strained credibility, it was Trump’s reported weight that drew the most skeptical responses.

MSNBC’s Chris Hayes came up with the best way for skeptics to organize under their shared beliefs.

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At 6 feet, 3 inches, and 239 pounds, the president is one pound away from being considered obese by CDC standards.

He also was responsible for propagating the nasty and racist conspiracy theory surrounding the veracity of President Barack Obama’s birth certificate. The movement brought government conspiracy theorists together under the convenient umbrella of the “birther movement.”

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Dr. Jackson also reported that the President is in generally good physical and mental health, but that he could stand to lose 10 to 15 pounds.

Looks like 12 Diet Cokes per day and a diet of almost all McDonald’s can’t be negated by just golf.

To reporters who wondered if it strained credulity to believe that the President was in such good health given what is known publicly about his day to day habits, Dr. Jackson said, “It’s called genetics, I don’t know, some people have good genes.”

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